Dear Baby Shower Guests

Dear Baby Shower Guests,

    This letter is two and a half years late as Clementine died a week after this gathering. Her legacy is living on as we donated her gifts to a mother in need this past week. I can’t thank you enough for celebrating her life on that beautiful day. It’s something I had dreamed of for five years and a ceremony I will never forget.

    Packing up the items was done with care and intention. I recalled the day and how magical it felt. Clementine couldn’t hold or play with these gifts, yet she somehow filled them with love. That love is now being passed along to someone that needs it.  

    For years the items sat in the nursery, simply waiting. To be honest, I shut the door a lot as I couldn’t bear the sight of them. The grief was too much most days. But every few weeks or so, I needed to be in there. I would open the door to see if anything changed. I sat next to the crib and cried on the floor. I laid in the sunlight and held a blanket someone made by hand. The pain was still there, but being in the room started to feel better. It was like I was acknowledging what happened and not hiding from it anymore.

    The nursery became my meditation spot for a long time. The natural lighting in this room was the best in the house and I loved greeting the day there. I sat surrounded by her things and felt stronger and lighter when doing so. Being amongst her gifts, I remembered all of the love she has shown me and continues to do so. 

    As time passed with the hope of a new baby, I rearranged the items for some new energy. I did this three more times, including changing the room. Since the subsequent three babies decided not to stay, the air started to feel stale in there. I didn’t like to door open anymore and spent less time in the room. A new pain began to brew, and after the last miscarriage, I knew something had to change. It was time to give these items a new life. 

    I want the fancy stroller to go for a walk in the sun. The periodic table building blocks we got in honor of my husband need to be stacked. The hundreds of organic diapers I insisted on buying need to be put to use. The crib that was built and kept in the living room for weeks as we refinished the floors needs a baby in it. The blankets should be keeping a little one warm, and the owl night lights need to be glowing to keep the monsters at bay. Yes, these were Clementine’s things, and she died… but these items still have life left in them. 

    This letter is to breathe life back into this space. You gave these things in hopes of laughter and love, and that is still happening. Clementine and I felt all of the admiration on that particular day. That love was not wasted. 

Sincerely, 

Carrie